How to be Human

I came to a realization the other day that while I often gush about the music of Chelsea Cutler I have never written about any of her songs which is a great wrong that I will make right today. Thanks to Melissa Lamm; a singer-songwriter I have featured a time or two on this blog, I was introduced to Chelsea Cutler. From the very start I was impressed by just how magnificently honest and vulnerable her lyrics are; almost brutally so. At the same they are also fantastically clever and when you combine that with her voice and the brilliant way in which she composes music you have this perfect storm of musical genius which will hit your feelings right in the intended place every single time.

For example songs that evoke sadness will not simply just make you feel sad; she engages in emotional archery of sorts and with Robin Hood-esque accuracy she targets specific emotional centers ones that in some cases you may not have even been aware you possessed.   

Chelsea Cutler - Crazier Things 

This was the track that introduced me to Cutler’s music. I remember hearing Melissa Lamm play the track and I just couldn’t get over how gut wrenching the lyrics were. 

It felt to me like this track was crafted in order to really cause the listener to connect with sadness and the inner conflict that is being discussed. For me it worked. After hearing the cover I had to go and listen to the rest of the album and after one time through I immediately ordered the record. It was the way her voice so profoundly conveyed her thoughts in each track; whatever was being said I believed it. I don’t hear that same level of conviction present in everything that I listen to. 

“It amazes me you move on so easily

From someone that you once called home
I wish you had enough discipline for the both of us

Just because I don't know how to turn off the way I feel

I know you always fell out of love so damn easily, but honestly

I don't think you ever had something real
Until you met me”

It just gets the point across so well, you hear and you just know exactly what is happening as if you are transported into the situation. “I wish you had enough…”  What a moving line it hits so hard because it is just so relatable; wishing you could forget but it seems impossible to do so. “I know you always fell out of love…” I really enjoy this as it illustrates this contrast that is present throughout this song. There are moments of vulnerability and also moments such as this which seem to exude confidence. “Honestly…” It isn’t a question but posed as a statement of fact which makes it stick out.  

“Oh, I'll spend my whole life

Missing a part of me, part of me

Oh, I'll spend my whole life

Hoping your heart is free, heart is free”

This line comes and it hurts every time as you can feel the anguish that is spoken of here.

“I don't think that this is fair, but I'm still gonna ask it

What if we're still meant to be? Crazier things have happened

It tears me apart, you can have love in your heart

And not have to act on it, ah

It erases me and everything I thought we'd be

Back when we gave our promise”

This acknowledgement that it may not be fair but that isn’t going to stop what is coming is something I love as if to say I know it isn’t fair but nothing about this really is so why mince words or hold anything back. To feel something so strongly that now that it’s gone it’s as if you have been erased. That imagery is so devastatingly potent and strikes like an emotional kidney shot every time. 

“Do you not dream of me?

'Cause I have visions in my sleep

I can't ever find my peace now

Do you wake up alone

And feel an aching in your bones?

Or are you happy without me now?”

There is an elegant sincerity present in the entire ending of this track which struck me on the first listen. When someone that was once a major part of your life leaves it you are going to still wonder about them regardless of the circumstance I think. It especially makes sense in this track as there is a wish that returning to the person. I love the way it is stated it really just puts it all out there. 

“The first time that you told me

You thought that you loved me

That bar in the city

I thought you were drunk

But I knew deep down that you meant it

Wish that I had said it

I was scared to let it happen

But it happened and now I cannot forget it

Oh, I'll spend my whole life

Missing a part of me, part of me

Oh, I'll spend my whole life

Hoping your heart is free, heart is free”

At the end hindsight comes to bring perspective and perhaps a bit of regret. What I most enjoy about this ending is the way it just ends. There is no grand resolution; life is often that way you must spend years dealing with things that happen to you. There is no easy way to get over them. As the track ends there is still this feeling of never being whole again of holding on to even the most infinitesimal hope that something will happen despite the fact that everything is telling you it won’t perhaps even a part of you knows it wouldn’t actually be good if it happened.

Chelsea Cutler - Sad Tonight

I won’t soon forget the first time I was listening through this first album of Cutler’s and specifically this song and it trudged up emotions that I didn’t even know I had buried, to simply call it sadness would be an oversimplification. I could relate to this immense pain and anguish because it is described so well and I experienced something similar myself. Judging solely based on her music I get the idea Cutler is someone who isn’t afraid to face her demons. Given the fact that what she writes contains her thoughts on deeply personal situations and it feels like she is putting everything on the line. 

“I tell myself that you're gone

I don't wanna be right if

Missing you is so wrong

It hits me like a tsunami

I feel you over my body

Oh yeah, I hate being so damn honest

You have my heart but you don't even want it, no

You don't even want it 

So let me be sad tonight, sad tonight, sad tonight”

There are some similarities between this track and the last one except this what happens after the hope is gone. There is an acceptance regarding what has happened and a desire to simply be alone with your emotions so you can process what’s happened. There are times when you're just going to be sad and there's nothing wrong with that.

“You're all over my mind

I tried to find a new muse

Can't believe what you did, no

And I don't really want to

I got thoughts in my mind, yeah

And they feel so loud

I could pretend that I'm fine but

I don't really know how”

Sometimes wanting to and being able to do something are polar opposites. You want to forget you’d like your mind back but you just cannot forget and just cannot let go. It is an arduous spot to be in and sometimes the only remedy is time but you can never really know how much it will take. This track does a superb job at bundling up all those different feelings and expressing them. The emotions being discussed are relatable and familiar because of how well the song is written.

“So let me be sad tonight, sad tonight, sad tonight

So let me be

'Cause it feels so right

Yeah, it feels so right”

I appreciate how simple yet eloquent the ending of this track is. It is saying far more than just what is being said. Earlier in the track it mentions friends taking her out but she doesn’t want to be there or really be doing anything. This ending seems to be saying that while she appreciates people that are trying to help out she just wants to be alone, in order to heal emotions need to be processed without distractions. You know you will be sad and it won’t be easy but it feels right, it's what you need.