Last week we were treated to a magnificent release by Melissa Lamm; an artist you surely recognize if you spent some time reading the journaling of my musical discoveries. I say this often and only because it is true “let me let you down” is my new favorite Melissa Lamm track. Over the past five years I have thoroughly enjoyed watching in awe as Melissa’s songwriting and production has evolved and progressed; I consistently find things that just leave me dumbfounded with each new release. I enjoyed the overall feel of this track and felt that there were so many moving parts that came together so perfectly to make this song what it is. From the emotionally driven lyrics to the magnificent guitar part which felt so fresh and new, it made me take notice from the very beginning and I was so very interested in what this song would say to me. To the surprise of nobody who has been here before this track told me quite a bit.

let me let you down

“You call me out
But I'm just here tryna' take care of myself
Wish you'd wish me well
I'm too good of a listener
Take everything you say to heart
Take it all in till I fall apart
I'm in pieces now”

There are some familiar themes that came to mind as I listened to this yet the way it pulled me in made it feel so fresh and new. I listened quite a few times before I began digging into the lyrics at all. The first thing that comes to my mind when I heard this first verse was “toxic relationship.” Regards of the nature of the relationship nobody with a place in your life should be saying things to you which lead to you falling to pieces. It feels like this is the type of person that cannot every pay any real compliments they are always surrounded in an insult some call these compli-sults or, so I have been told. I heard this and thought to myself “yeah that is so debilitating I’ve been there before.”

”Running on empty
Please go gently with me now
Maybe this time
You can let me let you down
Let you down, down, down”

Now granted I have not spent all that much time pondering on this as it has only been out for about a week as I am writing this. My favorite of the interpretations I have formed is this. Rather than this pertaining to someone specific it is more of this shout out into the universe as the subject in the song is contemplating what it would be like to not be the one who is being let down and instead doing some letting down of their own. In my head canon at least, they only think about this but do not genuinely want to do that to someone; do not want to cause someone else the same pain they have been through. I understand the feeling though when you’re in pain vengeance often sounds like a really good idea.

”And I apologize
I say sorry like a crutch
Guess it don't mean much
Coming out my mouth
Oh my brain hurts just
Think and overthink 'till I'm such a mess
All I ever do is just my best
Does that count? “

While I may not be Canadian like the artist is; I have found myself apologizing for things that were not my fault specifically while in some toxic relationships of my own. There are any number of reasons for it and certainly it can be a crutch in many ways. It can be a crutch for you as you find yourself limping along in a relationship that you have not yet realized is bad for you. Or it is a crutch in the sense that you are just saying whatever you need to hold things together because you do not know how to exit your current situation. There are a great many more possibilities, but I will not drone on any longer.

“Little notes, in underline
Girl you're good, and we'll be fine
Drink some water, rest your mind
Rest your mind, your mind
Running on empty
Please go gently
Maybe this time
You can let me let you down
Oh down
Whoa whoa down
Let you down”

This could very well be the cynic in me but to me this feels like the subject of the song is being patronized. Being told to calm down; you’re fine, we’re fine it's all in your head etc. I find myself exclaiming at the song “why are you doing this man, things already aren’t going well for you.” Such behavior is never okay. I very much hate when that is done to me or when I see it being done to someone else. Honestly, it almost makes me want to strangle someone. Whoever produced the whole “sticks and stones” saying either meant it to be facetious or they had never endured any sort of psychological torture because words can cause intense and enduring pain that you must work quite hard to recover from.

”And it won’t last forever
Give me your grace I need it now
Maybe this time
You can let me let you down”

This begins with an acknowledgement that the situation does have an ending which I would see as a sign of moving on; that you are on the path to recovering from what trauma the situation may have caused. Grace has many different meanings in this context I would assume it means favor, goodwill, or undeserved kindness. I cannot say I particularly enjoy that last meaning I came across; the vast majority of people that I met I feel deserve kindness. I believe that I deserve it. I hate the idea that people anywhere go about their days feeling as if the kindness they receive from others is truly undeserved. I thought about this a bit too much and it brought some tears as I was listening to this track repeatedly as I strove to extract what it meant to me.

Now I do not want to end on that sad sort of note as my overall feelings about this track are not ones of sadness. Ultimately, I see this track being about taking control of a situation. You have found yourself in a relationship of whatever type it may be and have realized that something needs to be change. Within the context of the song I feel like change is removing the person from your life but that all that could very well just be me projecting some of my own past experiences into the song and creating things that are not really there. Regardless that may not always be the solution, I have had times where a heart to heart with someone was enough to get them to realize how I was feeling and what could be done to change things on both sides. In the end do not settle for relationships that make you feel like you are receiving undeserved kindness or that you are making things up. What you feel is valid even if those feelings are not supported by someone else. I feel like I need to calm down after writing this track stirred up some emotions for me; that is what exemplary songwriting does.

LMLYD

December 28th