Midnight Musings

This weeks post was brought about by a number of times over the past few weeks where I found myself; as Cerian would say “on the wrong side of the morning.” During particularly restless nights my go to is music. As I listen through various tracks I will make recordings about anything that makes an impression on me.

As I was going through tracks from this past year there were a number of them which struck me in an especially powerful way. This is just the first group of the aforementioned tracks.

 

Jennifer Jess

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Jennifer Jess ~

Click for the artists official website

In the Rain

I am always struck by just how full and compelling the voice of Jennifer Jess is. This track is soul-piercing from the very start as you are pulled into this incredible story of heartbreak. 

“We were a match, I struck it once

We lit on fire then turned to dust

Here I thought we had eternity

Two years came and they just left

I closed my eyes just for a moment

Opened them and now you're leaving”

Many of the best things in life can be so fleeting and as cliché as it sounds that is part of what makes them so invaluable. It is also why it hurts so bad when such things end, this is compounded by the fact that such things most often end so suddenly or at least they seem to. There one second and gone the next. The above verse illustrates these concepts so brilliantly.

“Too many chances we didn't take to fix the damage that was made

Back then I thought we would recover

So I took the knife and I stuck it first made a divide in our universe

And if I'm honest, I saw it coming”

It is astounding how differently situations look from the inside and how emotions quite often contribute to a skewed perspective. “So I took the knife…” The dynamic symbolism crafted by this line is stunning. I get this image of a knife cutting through the space between two individuals as a way to separate them yet it is the same space that once represented there closeness and the commitment they had to each other. It is so poetic and beautifully tragic.  

“I've tried everything to bring you back to me

But your love drifted away on the sailboat you said we would sail someday

I remain, the girl you left out in the rain

It falls down on me as I watch you leave”

There is an intriguing distinction between the way this song ends and how it begins. In the beginning there is this comparison to striking a match and how quickly it burns out. At the end we see the comparison to a ship slowly sailing away. I think this relates to what I was talking about in the beginning in regards to perspective. Initially when a relationship ends it may seem that it ended rather suddenly even if that wasn’t necessarily the truth but when you look back with a new perspective you see the signs and realize things had actually been ending for some time. It is a very fascinating thing to think about.

 

Click for the artists official website

Silence louder than

/

I've ever known before

/

Silence louder than / I've ever known before /

Louder Than Ever

I love the addictive and upbeat tempo of this track. I think the way it contrasts with the intense and introspective subject matter of the track is just marvelous. I chose to highlight the particular section about because of how magnificently hard it hit me as I was listening. The parallels were just so apparent. I was laying there awake in the middle of the night and while the world was silent my own world was anything but. Whether I had music playing through my headphones or not silence was not at all what I was experiencing. It is amazing how you can be laying down in silence and yet still feel as if things are chaotic around you.

“Let me sit in the chaos

Cos the silence is louder than ever

Have you tried meditating?

Have you tried turning off your phone?

Will you take a break from dating?

Consider medication?

Don’t they say that we are built

To sleep alone?”

Why would you want to sit in chaos? Chaos is a state of utter confusion but sometimes it can feel like that is all there is as you are sitting in silence and it feels as if your thoughts are screaming at you. You feel weighed down by all the stresses and anxieties that come with simply trying to live your life. That is the essence of this song for me; the struggle to deal with your individual issues and to feel as if nobody else truly understands what you are going through.

“I know it’s good for me

The things you recommend

So I agree and smile

It’s easier to pretend”

I like to give people the benefit of the doubt by believing that when they try to offer you solutions to the issues you are contending with, they are doing so with good intentions. That doesn’t make it any less aggravating when they will follow up with you and ask if said solutions are working. It can definitely be easier to say that they are just so you can be left alone as you strive to find your own solutions that work for you. 

“It’s difficult for me to

admit that I am scared

But I’d rather

Pay attention

To the other voices instead”

“Let me sit in the chaos

Cos the silence is louder than ever

So many days of trying to keep still

But the silence is louder than ever”


“So many days…” It is quite dizzying to deal with anxiety and this is especially true before you realize exactly what it is you are dealing with. You just want calm but cannot seem to find it or hold on to it and you don’t understand why.

Have you tried meditation,

and being patient with yourself?

Have you focused on your breathing

Will you reach out for help?

Will you take a break from drinking?

Try and stop the obsessive thinking?

I don’t think that I am built to sleep alone

These all sound good in theory but can be much harder to actually act upon especially on a regular basis. This feels to me like more things that people enjoy saying when they are offering unsolicited advice regarding your struggles. There is an interesting evolution that occurs at the end of the verse. “Don’t they say…I don’t think.” I see this as coming to a realization of one kind or another. Perhaps coming to grips with the fact that there is something going inside yourself and you must discover how to deal with them. Perhaps it is realizing that all these ideas that people give you just do not work for you.

“I know it’s good for me

All these things you recommend

So I agree and smile

It’s easier to pretend

It’s difficult for me to

admit that I am scared

So I will stay collecting

All the other voices instead”

What are all these other voices I wonder? Is it the voices in your head, all the inner monologue that is going on as you are trying to deal with all the chaos? Is it the voices of others be they positive or otherwise that you let live inside your head? Many possibilities come to mind and I would venture to guess it is likely a combination of a few different things some of which I haven’t listed. I am intrigued by all the various options.

“I don’t think I can sleep alone anymore

Silence louder than I’ve ever known before

I don’t think I can sleep alone anymore

Silence louder than I’ve ever known before”

“Don’t they say that we are built to sleep alone? I don’t think that I am built to sleep alone. I don’t think I can sleep alone anymore.” The differences in these lines is something I find quite engaging. There definitely seems to be an evolution here though I cannot claim to really have any solid ideas as to what they might mean. Perhaps it could be something like the following. At first it is what others say and then what you think as you begin to learn about yourself and finally what you feel more sure of having learned more about yourself.  There is one other line that changes here at the end; earlier in the track we hear “the silence is louder than ever” it becomes “silence louder than I’ve ever known before.” Louder than ever vs louder than I’ve known before, this is a dynamic contrast and once again I cannot say that I have anything particularly profound to say about it. One idea that has to me is this, to me louder than ever within this track seems to illustrate a lack of control or understanding. Whereas louder than I’ve ever known before could be illustrating that you have come to grips with or are learning to deal with whatever issues you are facing so it no longer feels like something you have never experienced or feel like you just cannot deal with. All my crazy idea’s aside this track is outstanding and you should definitely have a listen.

 

Click the image for the bands website

The Two Body Problem

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The Two Body Problem \

It is always great to see artists you love come together to work on a track and it is all the more fantastic when artists come together to collaborate on a long term basis. I have been ecstatic about the formation of The Two Body Problem since I learned of existence. Alanna Matty and Dan Young are both outstanding artists on their own. The tracks we have received from them so far have been more than enough evidence for me to show how well the two of them work together. I have been thoroughly delighted by the tracks that have been released thus far and am looking forward to what is to come with great anticipation.

 

Did I Love You

I can't help the way I felt, but I am older now

It's been years since you've been here, but you're in my dreams somehow

Did I love you? Did I just want to? Did I love you? Did I just care?

Sky stays dark in January, all my friends moved home

Broken hearts don't seem so scary, now I'm on my own


Did I love you? Did I just want to? Did I love you? Did I just care?

Spend my nights overthinking

Do I try a little too hard?

Find myself on a boat that is sinking

Did I let this go too far?

Did I love you? Did I just want to? Did I love you? Did I just care?

I have written about the bizarre concept of love and relationships many times before on this blog. The effect that these things can have on individuals and the vast spectrum of emotions that they facilitate. For me that is what this song speaks about. The way that relationships leave marks on you which while they may scab over, and heal even after many years they never go away completely the scars remain. You may still wonder, have doubts or otherwise question where things went wrong? Or what exactly happened to make things go south? Perhaps you were blindsided by it. To a certain degree this sort of retrospective thought can be healing and illuminating, possibly preventing something similar happening in the future. Though my experience has been that if you go too deep or for an extended period of time it can quickly shift into being self-destructive. It is a fine line and certainly one that I am no master of navigating. I don’t feel that track is in that realm at all; this is simply the tangent that it caused me to go down.

 

I Am The Moon

Was there a push or pull that took me from my own path

And lead you to make space for me between the endless nothings

And your blues and greens


I hate the way we have to move in opposition

That you need me but you don’t know why

My heart keeps telling me to trust my intuition

But I can't fall out of your sky

But I want to


Can I be the light in your darkness

What is it about me that just can't keep your interest

Yeah you drag me in your gravity so i'll keep moving 

Tides of you sea


I hate the way we have to move in opposition

That you need me but you don’t know why

My heart keeps telling me to trust my intuition

But I can't fall out of your sky

But I want to


I am the moon following you everywhere you go

Knowing that I never get to know 

What will happen if we close the space between


following you everywhere you go(I am the moon)

following you everywhere you go(I am the moon)

following you everywhere you go(I am the moon)

following you everywhere you go(I am the moon)


Knowing that I never get to know what would happen

I find every aspect of this track to be utterly exquisite; the instrumentation, the harmonies, the lyrics. I am entirely blown away by it. As an astronomy nerd I am always stoked any time stellar objects are featured in a song. The tale of the Moon and Earth that we are given here through brilliant use of personification is a compelling one. The various ways that the Earth and Moon interact and are bound together seem to represent this elegantly fateful relationship between two individuals that are destined to have an effect on each other's lives but most often from a distance. I am astounded by the way that these artists are able to fabricate this glorious story which for me evokes the same kind of emotion as any Shakespearean tragedy and does so in under four minutes'. The first time I listened to this track and every time since it makes me feel something deep inside myself. The profundity that is present the lyrics here lead me to believe that there is so much more for me to learn from this track and I look forward to the future insights I will hopefully glean.   

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