Profound Thoughts / / Compelling Feelings

This time I am actually not surprised.

Ever since I found out that this album was coming I knew once it arrived it would be fantastic beyond belief, that I would be utterly blown away and I would find it to have been well worth the wait. I was not at all disappointed. It includes the two singles which I have discussed previously: Loved You First and End Up Alone as well as my favorite track “Dreamless” from an album I have I talked about five times previously, Ante Meridiem. Needless to say I am ecstatic to have this reimagined version of the track.

I feel that all the time, effort and care that was clearly put into this albums creation truly shines through in the finished product. You can listen to the full album here

Thoughts

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Feelings

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Thoughts / / Feelings / /

It is truly extraordinary when an artist is responsible for every facet of the music they release. Not only because of the sheer amount of work involved or the vast amount of skills necessary for such an undertaking, but also the fact that as you listen you know you are hearing what the artist intended. There was no back and forth with any side influences, requirements that needed to be appeased or any struggles of that nature, you are getting the music in the purest form possible. It is hard to state just how incredible I think this is. The small amount that I have learned about what goes into the creation, production and release of a track as I have hung around the Twitch Music scene makes it all the more impressive. I do wish I could speak more to that side of things.

Dreamless

Having written about the “Ante Meridiem” album as many times as I have it is safe to say that I thoroughly enjoy it. This remastered version(I think it is safe to call it that) I appreciate all the more. It is apparent when comparing the versions that Alanna has musical style has evolved in the time since this track was originally released. This time around the track has a more pensive and somber tone which really accentuates the story the song is telling; that of a person up late at night pondering. Whenever I find myself in a sleepless state and I throw on my “Why I Can’t Sleep” playlist this song will come on and it always causes me to reflect on experiences of the past and what they mean for the future. I feel that such occurrences will now be amplified with this new version of the track. I love the way that it ends it just stops and everything goes quiet; its abrupt and that mirrors how we experience life often times. We don’t always get resolved endings where things are all tied up with a bow; in fact my experience has been that we often don’t, things are good one minute and suddenly they are over.

Boxes

This track is a perfect example of my favorite kind of bop, the chill and soul stirring kind; it caused me to think about something in a new way. It speaks on our innate desire to be liked, to be loved while struggling with feeling as if we don’t belong.

Who am I supposed to be?

I don't fit inside the boxes that you gave me

What side would you rather see?

I just want you to like me

I have certainly felt this before especially when I was young and I used to feel that I grew out of such things. That is both true and also not while I learned no to care about conforming to behaviors that are expected I still care what people think of me. What has changed since my youth is which person opinions of me that I actually care about.

Who am I supposed to be?

I don't fit inside this box that you gave me

What side would you rather see?

I just wanted you to like me

I just want you to like me

I just want you to like me

I love the way this song illustrates the universal struggle we all must go through as we reconcile who we want to be versus who we are told to be or who we feel we are expected to be. This inner conflict is an intense one and like many things in life it is something we will face more than just once.

So Much

This track is so poignant, so eloquent and impressively heartbreaking. It truly is a double edged sword, a catch 22 due to the fact that while on one hand it is greatly comforting to know that someone else has gone through something similar to you; it feels cathartic to hear something so relatable. Yet then you realize this means someone else has experienced a pain akin to that which you have felt and you now how have two reasons to silently sob as you are moved by this magnificent example of lyrical brilliance.

And my friends well it's true they 

can't help me

Cuz when I'm not who they 

thought that I should be

Well I feel bad 

And I have with every friend I've 

ever had

And my parents I know that they 

love me

And all they want is to hold and 

support me

But it feels like 

They don't like it when I don't smile

And they haven't seen me happy in 

a while

The incredible vulnerability in this track strikes somewhere deep inside my soul each and every time I listen. To be honest I cannot even fathom all that it took to release a track like this and share something so personal. I am grateful for it. I know that I wouldn’t have the strength to do something similar. It is one thing to have someone share that they struggle with something but to learn just how much someone can relate to your experience it means something else entirely.

Hold my tongue and keep my 

mouth shut

Don't know why but it's a habit I’ve 

formed

You're the only one I speak to

The only one who can see me 

through my hurts

Yet it feels like it's too much

Like you're bound to get annoyed 

with mental health…

And all the words that I don't write

Keep my head spinning in the night

I'm well aware that it’s gonna be 

alright

But I still worry

While what you are feeling may often not be rational and you realize that fact it doesn’t change what you are feeling. Nor does it make it any easier to process and deal with. The way this is expressed in this track is beautifully poetic. I have listened to this album numerous times today and have been affected by this track each and every time.

This album is one that truly has a story to tell and Alanna uses each track to tell that story in a sincere and astute manner. I am certain that this astounding album is one that I will revisit again and again for years to come.