Transformative Experiences
Lisa Ritchie
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Lisa Ritchie ~
Lately what’s been on my mind is the way music can convey emotions and portray feelings in a way that nothing else really can. I focus on lyrics here, but a song is far more than that or at least there can be if there is a talented artist such as Lisa behind the track. Words are powerful and I do my best to convey my points using them, but the fact is sometimes I find it nigh impossible to do so. There are times when my words fail me but when you can put words into a song, adding in well-crafted music and vocal accompaniment suddenly those words now have a completely new significance. They become far more than what either of them would be separately. While words may crumble into the canyon of alexithymia, a song can sail right over it.
What I find truly compelling is how you so can relate so fully to a song; it can feel like it’s written for you, often it even seems to have your specific situation in mind. On rare occasion, you will come across an artist whose music seems to penetrate down to your core and it causes you to sit there and say, “wow this artist, they really get it.” You are unable to listen to their music too much because this immensely powerful connection you have to it that you cannot fully explain. I don’t know if I have said this explicitly before so I will say it now; for me Lisa is one of those artists. I am constantly discovering new things about within her music and am consistently amazed at how she weaves music and poetry together to create such outstanding tracks. I would go as far as to say that Lisa is one of my top singer-songwriters and I say that with no caveats, I would place her among my top artists of all time. Now onto the music!
Crave
The upbeat tempo of this track is exquisitely contrasted by its heavy subject matter at least as I understand it. It describes eloquently all the pains caused when someone we are close to is struggling with addiction. This causes such a whirlwind of emotions; you question if you missed the signs, if you could have done more, and why you let yourself be fooled. You can begin to feel that what is happening is your fault even if that makes no logical sense. It has been my experience that no matter the situation you simply cannot take responsibility for others behavior and dwelling in the past isn’t good for anyone. You wish you could help but something else I’ve learned the hard way is that there isn’t anything you can do if someone has become blinded to what is going on. No amount of light you shed on the situation will be enough to help them see.
“Wish that I could make you sorry
Enough that it could make you well
Wish that I didn’t see it coming
You know that shit makes me blame myself
Wish that I could turn the tables
And you could see just what it's like
Trying to tell what’s fact or fiction
By looking in your eyes”
This next part of the song focuses on what is like for the person watching this struggle with addiction and the way it’s affecting them. There is also an acknowledgement of the fact that speaker has their own experience with cravings; maybe it’s a way of saying that don’t feel blameless. I find it fascinating how much I feel I can relate to this despite the vast differences I am sure there is between what I experienced and what is talked about in the song. Emotionally heavy experiences such as this leave lasting marks and aren’t something you will ever forget. It’s a difficult thing to accept that on top of everything else you are going through you will also be forever changed by the experience in more ways than one. That struggle is described so perfectly here. The way that the line “Oh it's funny and its cruel” becomes “Oh tragic cuz it’s true” just strikes me so hard, every time I hear it, I think to myself “yeah I absolutely feel that.”
“How did I become your fool
Forgetting who I was before you
Oh it's funny and its cruel
Can’t be who I was before you
I’m no better, I’ve got cravings of a different kind
You crave watsons, I crave how it
Felt to be by your side
Oh tragic cuz it's true
Can’t be who I was before you”
This last part is a heartrending punch of emotion I feel the agony in the words and the first time this song clicked for me I was in tears as I listened to this part of the track.
“Wish that I didn’t buy the stories
The ones you’d sell to get your chips
Wish that I didn’t feel the need now
To blame you for the shit you couldn’t fix
Wish that we had kept some distance
Cuz you were kinda sorta my best friend
And it was so suddenly wrong, yeah you were so subtly off
And I’m worse for loving you in the end”
The knowledge that you cannot change the past doesn’t stop you from wishing you had done things differently; betrayal is excruciating to deal with especially because I have found that the source the betrayal is most often someone you were previously able to trust completely. Or at least you thought you could. This song details precisely what it’s like as you try to process it all. I wished and wondered how different things would have been if I could wish it all away and if I would have indeed been better off. It’s complicated it’s messy and you cannot really know anything for sure except “Oh tragic cuz it’s true, can’t be who I was before you” you will be forever altered by your experience.
Surface Anatomy
I am truly captivated with the imagery in this track and the meanings I get from it. When I first listened to this track, I gleaned that it had to do with tattoo’s that of course stay with you long after you’ve ended a relationship with someone.
“damned as the morning dew,
we were counting ‘em up by 2s
freckles along your skin.
with ink spilling down your ribs
long before you filled in your worn-out sleeves,
long before you rehearsed apologies
right around when we chose one to be
part of our surface anatomy…
it’s best to take years after all that time
cover up each of these seven lines”
There are of course ways to get rid of these physical markings but what about those things which cannot be so easily erased? I thought of actual scars you may have obtained during a relationship with it be from exploring the outdoors or if you’re as clumsy as me, from walking down the street and tripping over yourself. Scars such as these have powerful memories attached to them. What is far harder to process though are the marks that cannot be seen. I have discussed before how vulnerable love makes you and due to the fact, there are thoughts and feelings you may share which you may feel some regret after a relationship has ended. Perhaps what you feel isn’t regret but just this increased vulnerability because someone you are no longer close to knows these intimate details about your life and there’s nothing you can do about it, no way to take it back.
“damned if we do or don’t
humming the words I wrote
met by a stagnant dawn,
The time it took took too long.
long before the infinite space to breathe
long before time lost it’s quality
right around when we chose one to be
part of our surface anatomy”
As I listen to this track, I always feel that there is so much contained between the words; its as if what isn’t being explicitly said is saying almost as much as what is. In a very concise manner this track takes me through the process of heartbreak and reconciliation which occurs after a relationship; a process which can take a while, it’s summarized so beautifully here. In the end there are some things no matter how minor that will stay with you long after a relationship has ended. I believe you can change how such things affect you but at least in my experience there are lasting marks which become a part of you. I know there is so much more here I always feel that Lisa’s writing contains these deeper meanings that just completely elude me which I would say is part of the reason why I enjoy her music as much as I do.
EST
I am a bit surprised that I haven’t talked about this track already since it has been a favorite of mine since I first stumbled into Lisa’s Twitch Stream. There is a similar theme to this track as the last one, though Surface Anatomy feels much more like thought processing and this track feels much more direct. The speaker at least to a degree seems to be calling out the person they once had a relationship with. It is the kind of things that I personally have thought about when/after a relationship has ended but I don’t typically say any such things. Am I too nice or just cowardly? I don’t know. I enjoy how it uses a current disconnect in time due to varying time zones and physical distance then relates it to the distance and disconnect that happened in the relationship it speaks of. The two just were no longer on the same page “your today is my tomorrow. It is such a fantastic analogy and is so brilliantly crafted.
“It’s 10PM,
Where I am
On the west coast.
Where you are,
your today
is my tomorrow.”
There are many questions that follow, and I would say that they are being asked rhetorically as the speaker knows they need to cut ties but that can be easier said than done. I find it difficult to just suddenly stop caring about someone who you once shared so much of your life with. I get this very fiery, high-spirited vibe from this track. The questions pertain to some of the reasons why things ended and there is some sass infused in the delivery which is amazing. I don’t sense any harshness in the words; essentially what is being asked is “so how is life without me?”
“How’s Michigan?
How’s winter been?
How are our friends?
Haven’t heard from them.
How’s the 9-5?
How’s the Christian life?
Did you find a wife?
To settle, to settle, to settle down with?”
This next part of the track contains one of my favorite lines and is also why I don’t believe any of the previous questions are being asked with any sort of the vehemence. The writing was on the wall when things ended and its not about someone being right and someone else being wrong. It seems that both parties had a sense of what was happening but there is no exact reasoning given which is at least true to life for me most relationships don’t end in some sudden explosion of an argument like falling in love, falling out of love generally happens very slowly and then all at once. You come to grips with what’s been happening for awhile and realize what must happen.
“Griffith Park,
Maker’s Mark,
on a Sunday.
We grew apart,
We lost the spark
And there’s no blame
Whoever cuts the tie,
gets to keep their pride,
what a noble prize,
Is it yours or mine?
Can it be defined?
Is it black and white?
Did you fast forward,
While I pressed rewind?
Can we blame the time?
No one will deny.
You were just ahead,
I was just behind.
Can we blame the time?
you dreamed of me in white.
I never saw that sight
I never, I never,
I never saw that sight.”
The line that hits me harder than a Superman punch every time I hear it is this one “Whoever cuts the tie, gets to keep their pride, what a noble prize, Is it yours or mine?” It is just so Shakespearean in the most sad, beautiful, and tragic kind of way. This idea that after all you have shared with someone that is what’s left, who will end things. That’s the only prize anyone is left with. It is so magnificently painful, and the way Lisa conveys that emotion elevates this track to an entirely different plane of existence for me. I can honestly say that after I didn’t just listen to this track but really heard what it was saying I thought about moments of my past differently.
In preparation for this post, I spent many hours diving into Lisa’s library of music. In the end I concluded that the songs she creates are more than songs, they’re transformative experiences. Every track has this feel that that it is being written with such a clear and specific purpose in mind. She doesn’t shy away from subjects that are heavy, intense and vulnerable. That said I wouldn’t classify her songs as sad; they have this ebb and flow which in a way mirrors what living life if like. Some songs may be sadder than others but there is always a glint of hope and if you really pay attention, you will find that each track has real weight to it as well as something profoundly important for you to learn.
